Older Writings

Here is one of a few short pieces that I wrote back in the day. I want to post this because I think it is too precious for me to lose.

I once used it as a caption for my Instagram photos. The idea is simple, I wrote what emotions I felt when looking at my photos.

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I have been overseas, away from my parents, for almost eight years now. Every year passed by like a breeze, every moment away from my home was something I enjoyed. There is definitely something liberating about being away from a place you are familiar with, something about seeing places unfamiliar to your eyes. But sometimes, I would return to my hometown to visit my parents, to fulfil my duty as a child.

Every year, I would take my visits back to my hometown for granted. Lolling around at home, being a complete child- doing things I could not do as a student overseas. It is ironic, isn’t it? The freedom I found overseas, away from my parents, has turned into a chain pulling me down. Only recently I began noticing something different about my parents. Something rather frightening, something I am not ready for. I noticed subtle changes in my parents. And it is something inevitable, one I could never dream of realizing; they are aging really fast. It is a reality I had never prepared to face.

I could see my father’s hair turning grey; it was once shiny black. I could see wrinkles growing on my mother’s beautiful face. Their once youthful strut started to become slow and more careful. I could actually see them growing older; I was blissfully unaware of this reality. How could I have not noticed it? As I looked at them one last time before I departed for Singapore, my heart sank a little. I knew I would see them again, but surely I will miss their constant nagging. Its funny how I would actually enjoy something I hated so much when I was young. The reprimands I received, the memories of them, I know I would keep them close to my heart. And I realized as I grow up, I will have less time to fulfil my duty as a child. It is a bittersweet truth that I will continue holding on, that I’ve grown up because of their guidance, something I know wont last forever.

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I know that I didn’t have the most perfect childhood. But growing up made me realize that whatever experiences that I had, were the best that my parents could give me. In a way, that was, and still is, perfect in their eyes.

As a working adult, I now realize how “perfection” is subjective. This word is only a few letters away from “perception”, and the way I think about it is, perfection really depends on the perception of an observer. My parents and I are different people. I had accepted that. They might have done some things wrong in parenting, but in no way that would discredit what they had done for our family.

This (possible) clash in perception may not yield the most desirable outcome, and compromises definitely had to be made. But in this short amount of time that each of us have in this blue ball we call Earth, it would be a waste to not appreciate or cherish what we had obtained so far. Material possessions may bring us short-lived happiness, but what stayed with us the whole time are the memories we had whilst living.

I would want to peer through the curtains of despair just for one second, and appreciate the beauty of my life and my journeys so far. But the fabric has been too heavy for my weary soul to displace. Until then, the struggle goes on, and I am constantly renewing my resolve to gain enough strength, to see what is there on the other side.

The roads that I have travelled might have been lonely, and the spaces that I traversed have been thorny. May these cuts that I have gained scar me; fibrous tissues enveloping my body, such that I could be bolder in my steps.

One quote to end off this piece, one I heard a long time ago.

“May all beings have happiness and the cause of happiness.

May they be free of suffering and the cause of suffering.

May they never be disassociated from the supreme happiness which is without suffering.

May they remain in the boundless equanimity, free from both attachment to close ones and rejection of others.”